The Moment That Changed Everything | S1E9

What truly transforms an educator’s journey? It’s those rare, unforgettable moments when a student lets down their guard and invites you into their world. Maybe it’s the kid who constantly pushes limits or the quiet one who never speaks up—until suddenly, they do. Whether it’s a breakthrough moment, a vulnerable story, or even just a smile that says “I trust you,” those glimpses into a student’s authentic self shift everything. It’s like those late-night parent chats where, out of nowhere, your child opens up—and you know something meaningful just happened.

The second shift comes when educators realize they’re not just teaching content—they’re shaping humans. That realization often hits harder after becoming a parent, when you see your students through a new lens. Suddenly, you're not just a teacher, you're a role model, a safe space, and sometimes, the only adult who sees their hidden brilliance. The most humbling part? Our students teach us too—about life, about strength, and sometimes about loss. If a teacher ever saw something in you before you saw it in yourself, take a moment today to reflect. Then ask yourself: Who needs that same belief from me today?

Step into growth and purpose! Discover my books and resources designed to help you lead, learn, and live with impact.

✨ Click here: https://t-sml.mtrbio.com/public/smartlink/toolsforsuccess

//About

Cathy Tooley is the Founder & CEO of Tools for Success and a seasoned educator with over 40 years in K–12 classrooms and school leadership. From high school teacher to principal, Cathy has dedicated her life to supporting educators. In 2014, she launched Tools for Success to provide real, in-person instructional coaching—not just “PD in a box.” She’s the author of The Education System Is Broken, a national speaker, and a fierce advocate for teachers. Through this podcast, she’s spotlighting the ripple effect of great teaching.
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Transcript

The Moment a Student Lets You In

Cathy Tooley 0:00

The moment , for many of us as educators , that changes our lives is the moment that a student lets us in . I want you to put that child in your mind's eye for just a second , and when you imagine that somebody is impacting them now more on a daily basis , for more hours a day than you are , it changes your teaching , and if it doesn't , I'm worried . Learning goes both ways . I think about what I learned from my students . I learned from their own mouths that my words could be very , very damning . And I looked him dead in the eye and I said I don't know what you want me to do . When I sign this paperwork , I'm going to end your high school career . There will be no diploma , not here . What is it you want me to do ? I was so frustrated because I liked him . He was a likable kid and I will never forget what he said to me Mrs Tooley , let me go . I will make more money this week selling drugs than you will in your lifetime . Hi everybody , Cathy Tooley , thanks so much for joining us on our podcast as we continue our series the Ripple Effect of a Teacher . Today it's called the Moment that Changed Everything , and I want to share some moments that I think many of you , as educators , can relate to and can call back and be a part of One of the biggest and most pivotal moments . I think that happened for every teacher and for those of you that are parents I hope you really hear this and it's the day that a student lets you in . It's huge , and it doesn't matter if it's that student who is constantly misbehaving and you're like , oh my goodness , what do I do ? They won't be quiet or they won't talk , or they won't participate or I can't see them to do , insert whatever . But it feels like we are like oil and water . We're just oil and water . And then , all of a sudden , there is this moment that they let you in , they explain to you , they help you understand , either in words or in actions , why they're doing what they're doing , or it's gosh . I can remember the quiet student that finally opens up . You never say a word . You call on them and they give a response . They're appropriate , they do all the right things in the classroom , but I don't know . It's like a wall you can't get through . It's the moment that they open up the door and they let you in . Sometimes it's a little bitty crack that you can walk through and sometimes they blow themselves wide open . Sometimes it's an academic victory , sometimes they let you in because of an academic victory .

Cathy Tooley 3:10

I have shared in a podcast before about a geometry teacher . I had Mrs Johnson and I had her as a sophomore in high school . I was told over and over and over that I was quote not a good math student . I can remember hearing that from as young as quote not a good math student . I can remember hearing that from as young as gosh . I don't think I ever remember not hearing it . I do remember early in primary grade so probably K-1-2 , someone saying to me , a teacher saying to me math is clearly not your gift . And then I just , you know , gathered evidence of that the rest of my life . But Mrs Johnston taged that it was an academic victory , the first time I got an A in my life in math , in geometry . For those of you that teach math , you know that is not math , that is some foreign language out there that math teachers teach . But I got an A . Now it was just a quiz . I mean I don't want to make it pretend that I , you know , aced the class . I did not do that , but the only Bs I ever got were in math , but it was an academic victory that I trusted Mrs Johnson before that . But I opened up and let her wind in . She could have told me that what I needed to do every day to learn geometry was to stand on one toe , and I'd have jumped every day and been there because I let her in . I trusted her . Not have jumped every day and been there because I let her in , I trusted her .

Cathy Tooley 4:28

So the moment for many of us as educators that changes our lives is the moment that a student lets us in . A student let us in . Those of you that are parents know what that feeling's like . You know that day that they come when they come home from school and you do the how was school today ? Fine , did you learn anything ? No , do you have any homework ? No , right , those are your typical responses . Right , those are your typical responses of do you have any homework ? No , is there anything I need to do ? No , because they're not letting you in . They're not letting you in to what's happening at school . But the moment they let you in is when you ask what has been a routine question and they begin to tell you a story of what happened . They're letting you in , they're opening that door a little bit to let you in , to let you in . So a little side bonus for all parents that are watching this Activity that I heard of a parent doing , which I thought was so profound .

Cathy Tooley 5:24

By the time I learned it , my kids were grown , but I never let my kids sit around the table and we maybe because I was a teacher . But when I would ask them what happened at school today , they just knew better than to say nothing . Because , listen to me , you did not get on the bus at 645 this morning and get off the bus at 345 and nothing happened . Nothing happened at all those hours , and so they knew they could either tell me or I was just going to keep re-asking the question . So they learned to come home and sometimes they came home with a story and then I would set them up . Tomorrow I want you to tell me where you made a difference in somebody else's life . Tomorrow I want us to be because maybe we were talking about a bully at the dinner table or , you know , because they love to talk about other kids or teachers . So maybe we're talking about a teacher who isn't very nice , and so I would tell them tomorrow we're going to figure out a way to do something nice for that teacher . What can we do ? What can we do ? Because then it almost became this project .

Cathy Tooley 6:22

So the first , the first moment that changes everything for an educator is when they let you in , kind of like parenting . The second one is when you realize that you are teaching more than your content . Well , you really begin to change who you are as a teacher when you have children and you send them off to school . Now , I know some of you may

Teaching Beyond Your Content

Cathy Tooley 6:45

never have children or haven't had children , but if you've had nieces or nephews or grandchildren or family friends , children whom you've loved , so I want you to put that child in your mind's eye for just a second . And when you imagine that somebody is impacting them now more on a daily basis , for more hours a day than you are , it changes your teaching . And if it doesn't , I'm worried . It changes your teaching because I'm not saying we don't get mad , kids don't still irritate us , but instead of saying things that could absolutely write on the slate of their soul , you say things like I am not going to talk to you right now , I'm not going to answer that question right now , because I cannot answer that in a way that gives you the love that you deserve . So I'm going to ask you to step back to your seat because I don't have it in me . It's like the time when my children were little oh , they'll die when they hear this on the podcast .

Cathy Tooley 7:47

But our daughter decided to take a pair of scissors and she thought it would be fun to cut her brother's hair . Well , not just her hair , his hair . She thought it would be fun to cut the carpet and the curtains and the couch . Now we were poor as church mice . Okay , I'm a teacher , my husband's working at a hospital , and when I think back now of how I absolutely lost it , but to her she was just being . She clearly needed a haircut and she felt the need to cut it . Now I can look back now and I can , I can know what it is . But in that moment I remember saying to my kids this this is exactly what he said Ready , run , don't walk , run to your room , all of you run to your room and close the door behind you . And I went outside . The kids will tell you this story and paste the outside of my house . I just pasted it because I knew I didn't have what it took to discipline her right . Then she didn't cut the furniture or the couch or the curtains , which they did , kind of cut a really cute pattern into the curtains . I mean , when I think about it now it's relatively cute and if my grandkids did it I'm sure I would think it was funny . I did not think it was funny at all and we had to put a blanket over the couch to cover the hole that they cut because we couldn't afford another couch .

Cathy Tooley 9:09

But when you realize that you are teaching kids more than content , you are teaching kids things like self-reliance , self-assurance , confidence , collaboration , kindness , love , acceptance , acknowledgement , gratitude , humility , humility and you just weave those naturally into your lesson without even trying . I've watched so many of you look to a student and say , friend , is it nice that we put our hands on another student speaking to a little , when I know deep down you're wanting to go stop it . Just get your hands off of him for the 50th time today . Stop hitting Johnny . But you don't , you don't . You say , friend , friend , should we be putting our hands on our people ? Or I've watched one of my favorites is what an elementary teacher says inside voices . Inside voices . It's a nice way of you going , shut up , just for pity's sakes shut up . But you have realized that I am teaching more than content . I get to teach them when it's appropriate to cheer in a football game and when it's appropriate to use our inside voices , and so I'm teaching them . I doubt you would speak to any adult right now that doesn't know what an inside voice is . Yet I promise you that's not in any curriculum guide . It's not in a curriculum guide .

Cathy Tooley 10:48

I know what collaboration is and it's never been in a state standard . I understand what work ethic is . Grit Gosh . I can hear so many high school boy teachers telling me think , use this for more than a hat rack . You've got it . And I would just think just give me the answer , just tell me the answer . You have the answer . Oh , knowledgeable one . You Just give it to me , just tell me and I'll spit it back to you . And they said no , use this for more than a hat rack . So now , when life gets difficult , those teachers taught me I can think I can process this , because they gave me things that are far beyond my content . They taught me things that are beyond the subject matter that I have long since forgotten when I was in their classes .

Cathy Tooley 11:46

The next point is this

Learning Goes Both Ways

Cathy Tooley 11:50

Learning goes both ways . I think about what I learn from my students . I , I , hmm , it is without question what I will be forever grateful for being an educator . I taught in a school that was very , very diverse . I wasn't raised in such diversity . I had no exposure to diversity . I really didn't . I lived in a town that just didn't have any . But my school was very diverse . We had busing . That was happening at that time , and I learned more from those students about what it is to be a black boy and a black girl than any book could have ever taught me , and it has made me a better human being . And it has made me a better human being .

Cathy Tooley 13:00

I learned from their own mouths that my words could be very , very damning when they would come up after class and say to me do you know ? What you said broke my heart . I will be forever grateful for those lessons . I learned the lesson of trust , that trust has to be given and taken , that I can't treat them disrespectfully and expect respect , that I can't break their trust and expect them to trust me as I moved on in that same school to an assistant principal . So now , these same students that I was having as a student , some of them having to suspend or expel or arrest , but I never , ever , ever had a student arrested that a parent didn't say to me . You've done everything that you could have that a student didn't say to me . Ms Tooley , it's time , and so , when I think about the lessons that I learned from my students , I want to share one that is , without question , the most profound .

Cathy Tooley 14:03

I was an assistant principal my first year . I don't really know what I'm doing . You know you're kind of fiddling this along . I was a good teacher but I

When You Can't Save Everyone

Cathy Tooley 14:09

didn't know how to be an assistant principal , and a student , whose name I will not say for obvious reasons , was one of those kids that just . He never did bad stuff . Good looking kid , but he constantly got in trouble .

Cathy Tooley 14:25

African-american boy , and I tried really hard early on to relate with him . He had my part . I was assigned his last name for my part of the alphabet . Well , we had at the time what we called demerits . Every time you got in trouble you would earn demerits . So many demerits would ultimately get you expelled , and every single semester that young boy would get expelled .

Cathy Tooley 14:46

Well , in a high school most teachers and administrators know this I could expel a student first semester and second semester of their freshman year and still probably graduate them . I could probably expel them first semester of their sophomore year and still get them through Close , going to need a lot of summer school or some night school . But if I expel them the second semester of their sophomore year and they have earned no credits up to this point , it's over . The fat lady has sung . I can't graduate , there's not enough time , there's not enough courses that they could take . And he was approaching that second semester of his sophomore year Because I had expelled him first semester . Expelled him . His freshman year brought him back . So it's Christmas time of his now . I'm bringing him back for second semester , springtime now , spring semester of his sophomore year . I think he had a credit or two at best that he was doing online at home .

Cathy Tooley 15:40

He certainly wasn't being academically successful and sure enough , you know , the school year comes back in January and we start with getting in trouble here , getting in trouble there , getting in trouble here . I mean we're not even to the end of January and he is racking up those demerits . He's going to be out the next to the last time . You know you hardly have to have that conversation and you document it . The next referral will result in a recommendation for expulsion , because as an assistant principal , we can only recommend expulsions . He knew that . Do you know ? He was back in my office within 48 hours . He knew that . Do you know ? He was back in my office within 48 hours and I looked him dead in the eye and I said I don't know what you want me to do . When I sign this paperwork , I'm going to end your high school career . There will be no diploma , not here , not unless you find it . What is it you want me to do ? I was so frustrated because I liked him . He was a likable kid and I will never forget what he said to me Mrs Tooley , let me go . I will make more money this week selling drugs than you will in your lifetime . And every time you bring me back here , you're taking me away from what I was purposed to be . And if you need me to go down the hallway and slap one of your teachers so you'll quit bringing me back , do so , but let me go . And I leaned back in my chair and we did , and my guidance counselor and I walked him out the front door and I watched him and I said the next time we hear or see of him , he'll be on the news and he'll either be in jail or dead . Next time we hear or see of him , he'll be on the news and he'll either be in jail or dead . And two weeks later he was dead . Now what did that student teach me ? That student taught me that I couldn't undo the 16 years of stories that that young man had accumulated , the 16 years of stories that that young man had accumulated . I couldn't change the trajectory that he believed he had in his life , but what I could do is make sure he knew how loved he was , how worth fighting for he was . And what did he teach me ? He taught me that sometimes even our best isn't enough . I can't save everyone , and that he has a bigger purpose on his life than what I could understand in my little school , in my little four walls of what my school was , and that all I had left that I could do for him and did do for him is pray for him . So that big piece of that we learn . Learning for educators goes both ways . And then the last thing I want to leave you with is this Truly ,

Seeing Their Future Selves

Cathy Tooley 18:30

truly , truly , truly . The difference comes , the moments that really change everything is when you see in a student what they can't see in themselves . When I go back through that basket , I have of letters that students have written , of letters that students have written . If a student says it once , they say it a million different ways . You saw in me what I didn't see in myself . That's because you're an adult and they're a child . My daughter-in-law is a teacher and I don't know how many times I said to her someday , when you question how well you can do this , look in my eyes , because I see in you an excellent teacher and one day you'll look back and see it yourself . And she now has settled into a career and doing a great job . Sometimes we have to see kids because they're kids . They're kids . They're five , six , 15 , 12 , 10-year-old children . We have to see in them their future selves , because they can't see it themselves . They can't see it themselves . You know Jesus says that I made you , I formed you in your mother's womb long before you were born . I formed you . We get to see that child , the child with endless possibilities , even when they won't be quiet . The child with academic brilliance , even when they failed the last test . The child with incredible gifts , even when they can't draw a stick figure . The child with immense patience , even when they pushed that kid in line again today . The child with immeasurable love , even when they wielded an eraser , this time at the little girl . Yesterday it was a pencil , today it's an eraser . We get to see past what they don't see themselves . That's the real gift . That's the real gift , you know . I don't know if any of you are journalers that are watching this , but if you are , I'm going to offer you something that I'm a journaler I like to write . It helps me . It helps me to put in perspective sometimes how blessed I am and how good God is . So if you're a journaler , I'd ask you to journal this question , and if you're not , maybe you want to start , and that is this . What is it someone saw in me , that a teacher saw in me that I now know to be true ? I didn't then , but I do now . What is it a teacher saw in me then that I now know to be true today ? Because I promise you , the moment that changed everything is just that . It's just that . Thank you for watching . It's been a pleasure to be with you today . We can't wait to see you on the next episode . Have a great day , everybody .