The Power of One: Purpose | S2E7

In this powerful Tools For Success conversation, Cathy Tooley sits down with Tawana to talk about purpose, self awareness, comparison, and the journey of becoming who you were truly meant to be. Tawana shares her story of spending years watching other people live boldly, trying different paths, and eventually realizing that purpose is not found by copying someone else’s life. It is found by paying attention to your own story, your joy, your impact, and the patterns already showing up in your life.

This episode is for anyone who feels stuck, uncertain, or pulled in too many directions. You will hear honest wisdom on identity, healing, personal growth, social media pressure, success, and why purpose is about impact more than image or income. If you have ever wondered how to find your purpose, how to stop comparing yourself to others, or how to live more authentically, this conversation will speak directly to you. Watch, share, and subscribe to Tools For Success for more conversations on leadership, purpose, growth, and living with intention.

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//About

Cathy Tooley is the Founder & CEO of Tools for Success and a seasoned educator with over 40 years in K–12 classrooms and school leadership. From high school teacher to principal, Cathy has dedicated her life to supporting educators. In 2014, she launched Tools for Success to provide real, in-person instructional coaching—not just “PD in a box.” She’s the author of The Education System Is Broken, a national speaker, and a fierce advocate for teachers. Through this podcast, she’s spotlighting the ripple effect of great teaching.
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Transcript

hen Purpose Wakes You Up

Tajuana Thewlies 0:00

What I realized about my life is that anytime I saw someone living their purpose, there was a part of me that woke up. There was a part of me that wanted some of what they had. Even going back to my kindergarten teacher, she had that much impact on me that for years I thought I wanted to be a school teacher. But then I realized that that was not your purpose. Only the strong survive. Yes, that is true. And so, uh, but I can remember looking at the lives of a plethora of people thinking, wow, they know exactly what they are here for. They know exactly what their purpose is. And so for many years, I was searching and have tried a ton of different things. And I know that all of that has brought me to this place that I am right now. So for me, there has been this uh weaving of my life that has um really unfolded into something beautiful when I stopped looking at other people and started paying attention to them a lot.

eet Tawana And The Power Of One

Cathy Tooley 1:28

Hi everybody, thanks for joining us for another episode in our series that we're doing called The Power of One. So with me is one of my very dear friends. We go a long way back. We do a long way back, Tajuana. And I'm gonna let Tajuana do her introductions and tell you all about her. And as I've said um a few times on this podcast, I didn't ask Tajuana ahead of time what her power of one story was. So I get to discover it just like you do. So Tajuana, take it out.

Tajuana Thewlies 1:56

Thank you. Uh, I'm Tajuana Thuhlis, and we met doing something that I absolutely enjoy, which is personal development. Amen. Um, that's also where I met my husband, my best friends. Um I like him too. I know. We'll keep he's pretty cool. Don't tell him that. So don't let him be cool this part. I know. Right. He's pretty cool. Um, and so I have done a lifetime of developing, healing, um, and that's one of the things that I love the most. Um in June the 1st, I retired from Rolls Royce after 30 years. Good for you. Yes, yes. It was one of the one of the greatest things that I've done for myself uh because it gave me a lot of time, gave me my time back. So I'm very, very happy about that. Um, and I'm excited to be on the podcast. I do some coaching and uh speaking. So this was right up my alley to spend some time with you today.

Cathy Tooley 2:57

Oh she's she's underselling. I remember that leadership stuff, which has again been a lifetime ago.

Tajuana Thewlies 3:03

Yeah, for sure.

Cathy Tooley 3:04

It has truly been a lifetime ago, and I remember meeting her thinking, boy, is there someone um and you said something to me that I'll bet you don't remember saying. Okay that I give the best hug. Oh my gosh, yes. I she my heart has a special place for Swana.

Tajuana Thewlies 3:22

Yes, yes. And I don't remember specifically what you said to me, but you spoke something into me that helped um a very important relationship uh that I was having with my mom that helped me to heal that. And so I'm so grateful. Good. Okay, so the power of one so purpose. Ooh, ooh, yeah, and so what I realized about my life is that anytime I saw someone living their purpose, there was a part of me that woke up. Uh, there was a part of me that wanted some of what they had.

Cathy Tooley 4:08

Oh wow.

Tajuana Thewlies 4:08

Yeah, because um even going back to my kindergarten teacher, Miss Walton, I felt like that was her purpose. And I um, you know, just a couple of weeks ago, listen, I'm 57.

Cathy Tooley 4:24

I never believed that.

Tajuana Thewlies 4:25

Miss Walton, you know, years and years ago, but I was like, I wonder if I could find her. Of course, I knew I couldn't find her, but she was she had that much impact in me, on me, that for years I thought I wanted to be a school teacher. You would have been a great school teacher. But then I realized that that was not your purpose. Only the strong survive. Yes, that is true. And so, uh, but I can remember looking at the lives of a plethora of people thinking, wow, they know exactly what they are here for, they know exactly what their purpose is. Unapologetically, yeah. And so for many years I was searching and have tried a ton of different things. Um, and I know that all of that has brought me to this place that I am right now, and so for me, there has been this uh weaving of my life that has um really unfolded into something beautiful when I stopped looking at other people and started paying attention to the Yeah, because there were lots of people that I was looking at as they were walking in, stepping into

hy Copying Others Never Works

Tajuana Thewlies 6:35

their purpose. If you do it their way, if I do it their way, if I do it their way. Oh, look at how they did it. Right. So if I just do that, let me try it. Let me see if that works. And then it failed. It never did.

Cathy Tooley 6:42

Because it was never your purpose.

Tajuana Thewlies 6:44

Absolutely, absolutely, and so really taking some time to, you know, I always say, are you are you too busy living your life that you're not paying attention to your life? Because there's so much information in your life that leads you to the next step. And so it it's really been um uh my greatest love story to me in honoring my life, my choices, the choices that didn't work out so well, you know, my mistakes. Um, I always uh talk about being curious. If it doesn't work, what what can I glean from that? That's right. What's the lesson in it not working? That's right. And so that for me it loosens up some of the tension and the stress about I messed that up. About the failure, about it not working, so that I can get the lesson.

Cathy Tooley 7:55

How would you suggest someone who's listening to this understand even what their purpose is without finding it in somebody else's purpose? Because I I think you hit on something, Juan, and so seriously that I think, especially as women, you know, we look at what the world tells us as a perfect mother, and we model that. Well, we will never be that kind of mother. Or, gosh, don't even let's not even get started in body image on what's the perfect size or the perfect color or the perfect tone or the perfect whatever. And or and then we model our, you know, we define success by money. So if I just follow their path and do what they did, I'll have it. So, how do you how would you speak into someone who's listening to this podcast that says, I hear you, I believe you, I believe the power of one purpose is everything, but how do I know what mine is?

Tajuana Thewlies 8:45

Yeah, and so there's a couple of different things. So, first, I want to speak to something that you said. Um, and I think for years, people have looked at me and my size and thought whatever they thought. That's right. Me too, sister. You know what I mean? And so what they don't know is that for years I hated that I was so skinny because I got teased so bad that I can remember being

ody Image And Learning To Accept You

Tajuana Thewlies 9:23

a I don't want to say teenager, maybe a young, I would say young adult, maybe early 20s, drinking insure shakes. To try to put on weight, yeah, because I grew up in the era of you wanted to be a brick house. 36, 24, 36. I remember that because we remember that. You know what I'm saying? Brick house. I was not that. I had that in extra, so we didn't. But you know what? People think that, you know, and who says that? Who's right? You know, it and so it it's it's very important for people to understand that we all have a thing that we're working through, trying to move through, trying to move past from now. It took me a long time to realize this is how God made me. This is how I'm supposed to be. But for years, I you know, I was wearing baggy clothes and trying to, you know, leggings and jeans on top of the. You know what I'm saying? Because I to try to be something you because I had let the thoughts of other people into me. And so that's that's one of the things that I want to say is really getting to the point where you can appreciate you, how you, how you are, how you look, how you think, how you act. I you know what I'm saying? I just appreciating you. Because, especially as it relates to purpose, we all have a tribe. And your tribe can only be attracted to you when you are being you. Anything else is inauthentic, it's not going to be now inauthenticity in a minute. And so, for okay, so a quick story. So for years, I'm a giver, an over-giver, or over-sharer, or over, yes, I'll do it. Um, and so for years I thought people really didn't know me. What I realized is that it was I did not really know me. And so I can't people could not connect with me because who was that?

Cathy Tooley 12:03

Oh my gosh.

Tajuana Thewlies 12:05

And so it I I think a lot of times people, even as it relates to your purpose, people

lues To Purpose From Joy And Help

Tajuana Thewlies 12:13

are looking out there for it. And really, it's in here. It is you, me, looking at my life, and thinking about what is it that people ask my help with? What is it that I love doing that I can do in my sleep? Now, that may not be the thing that you want to do, but it's going to lead you in the direction. And what you really, what I invite, implore everyone to do is start paying attention. When you are happy or filled with joy, what are you doing?

Cathy Tooley 13:04

What are you doing? You know, I used to tell my students when they would be in my office, because everybody thinks about success is I'm gonna go be the next multimillionaire. And now we live in a world of influencers. Yeah, making I I always think what I hear that influence. Do you not understand what their job is? Their job is to not make you think about who you are, yeah, rather follow who they are. But anyway, I used to say to my students ten years from now, five years from now, four years from now, when Mrs. Thule is a fond memory, because I will be a fond one, and you could be paid for doing what you love. What is it?

Tajuana Thewlies 14:26

Yeah.

Cathy Tooley 14:27

Because success isn't defined, isn't defined by

uccess As Impact Not A Paycheck

Cathy Tooley 14:30

your paycheck, it's defined by living your purpose.

Tajuana Thewlies 14:35

And the impact that you are making in the lives of other people. Amen. I think people think that it is about money, and of course, we all have a light bill to pay. Of course. But really, it is about when you are in your purpose, when you are impacting the lives of other people, that is what brings the money. Focusing on the money may not get you there or keep you there. It really is about impacting the lives of other people. So years ago, I used to own uh paint and sip. I remember that. Um, and still, because of how that experience made people feel, they're like, oh my gosh, so great. That is the impact. But it wasn't about the paint and sip. It never was. It never was about throwing paint on a canvas. And drinking away. My intention was to create a space that I wanted to come to, my artist wanted to come back to, and my customers would want to come back to again and again. That was my intention for it. And so we I get that there's this thing about money, and I get that, yes. And what legacy do you want to leave? How do you want to be remembered? What what is the thing? What is the problem that you were specifically created to solve?

Cathy Tooley 16:13

I I think about, you know, we've had several guests on this podcast, and every time I talk to one of them, I always ask myself, what is it in them that I saw that wanted them to be here? And it's exactly what you just said about your patent sip. I remember coming there, it was never about the patent sip. I don't think anyone wants to talk to me because of my intellect or how much I care or know about education. Yeah, while it drives a successful company and we're you know doing quite well with it, it's not that. It's the it's the purpose. For me, education is a purpose. And what I feel so, I wish there was a way, you know, and and and maybe this podcast gets to be that platform of uh you and I were blessed in that we didn't grow up with so much in our face at all times.

Tajuana Thewlies 17:07

Sure.

Cathy Tooley 17:07

We didn't. There was no social media. Um goodness. Yeah, our lives are not, are not. I think of my own grandchildren whose lives are being documented long before they all have a voice to it being documented. And I don't mean any their parents are doing anything wrong. Of course, you put out your, you know, my daughter just put out the five-month baby pictures or whatever. But but we're living in a world, and and I, and and we had a situation. I was at a Garth Brooks concert way up at Notre Dame, and we were watching a couple, my cousin and I, a few rows down, and they were spat. You know, you just tell people they're spatten, you just appointing, and he's appointing. And she literally grabbed her camera and she goes, smile. And for two seconds, they picked up that camera, they shot the picture, she went like this at him, she posted it, put the phone at it, and they went right back at him.

Tajuana Thewlies 17:58

Wow.

Cathy Tooley 18:00

And I thought, but students are but but people, humans, we're defining our purpose by what we see through this screen that is everyone's greatest moment, not their real life.

Tajuana Thewlies 18:10

Yeah, yeah,

ocial Media Reality And Algorithms

Tajuana Thewlies 18:11

for sure. It's very, it's we live in very interesting, yeah, because none of that is real. They call it reality TV.

Cathy Tooley 18:44

It's not real, but none of it is real. None of it's real. None of it is real. We've now created, I think they're called algorithms, that the more you click on something, the more you see it. Good or bad. Good or bad.

Speaker 1 18:56

Yeah.

Cathy Tooley 18:57

If you want to believe that a duck is good, yeah, there is enough evidence that you could click on that proves that it is.

Speaker 1 19:03

Yes.

Cathy Tooley 19:04

Or that it isn't. Yes. And what's scary with people struggling with their purpose is that if you don't know who you are and you don't know what you believe, other people will tell you.

Speaker 1 19:16

Yes, and even as it relates to social media, I think that there are some really positive things about social media.

Cathy Tooley 19:23

I think this podcast is one of them. Yes. I do.

Speaker 1 19:25

Yes. So thank you for doing that. You're welcome. Thank you for having me. One of the things that I am intentional about is how my page looks. So if I get the inkling that there is some discourse, meanness, violence, I swipe so quick.

Cathy Tooley 19:47

Me too.

Tajuana Thewlies 19:48

Um, I have deleted people. Me too. I, you know, my phone, all of that, because what I am taking in is inside of me. You are the hard drive. Yes. And so I have to be very, you know, um, there there's been a couple of times,

rotecting What You Let In

Tajuana Thewlies 20:07

even as it relates to, I don't care what it is on TV. So there have been a couple times where my husband might have been flicking through uh the channels or watching something, and I would be like, What are you watching? And he would be like, You don't want to see this. Right. I go right upstairs. I don't ask, what is it? You think I don't want to do that. I don't want to see it. You are absolutely right.

Cathy Tooley 20:28

You're probably right.

Tajuana Thewlies 20:29

So let me go right upstairs. And because what comes in my ear gates, my eyes, smell, that is, I am literally taking all of that in. That's who I am. Yes. And if you are taking that in, if you are not very intentional on releasing it, it stays. I agree. I agree.

Cathy Tooley 20:53

I think that I know we have to wrap this up by laughingly saying, with some of our guests, I could be here literally. We have to be so conscious because it's like I don't want these poor people to have to listen to this, but I I want to go back to something you said a minute ago, which is this if you don't know who you are, you cannot know who your what your purpose is.

Tajuana Thewlies 21:11

Yeah. And and that is the part that people resist the most.

Cathy Tooley 21:16

Amen. Well, because it's easier to point a finger at somebody else and talk about who they are. Yeah.

Tajuana Thewlies 21:20

It is. And so one of the I just so for me, a big part of it is self-awareness.

Cathy Tooley 21:24

Amen.

Tajuana Thewlies 21:25

And and so I've been thinking, Tajuana, how can you uh teach people how to be more self-aware? Because people know what it is, but how do you know if you have it? What are what are some ways that you can practice it? Because being aware of when you walk in a room and the energy feels

elf Awareness Through Triggers And Energy

Tajuana Thewlies 21:50

off, what do you do with it? Because you know how it feels when you walk in a room and the energy feels good. That's right. That's right. Absolutely. You know how it feels when Meet somebody, you know it's you know it's you they see you, you see them. Amen. What do you do when you walk into a room and the energy is off? Do you make a commitment to leave? Do you try to change the energy by being somebody who you're not? I've been there, I've done it. Yeah, and so one of the things that I thought about is um how do you respond when you're triggered? What do you fight? Do you flee? Fly you freeze? Do you find what do you do? Because if you can start to pay attention when somebody says something to you that you don't like, how do you respond?

Cathy Tooley 22:44

And it all comes back to knowing who I am and what filtration things I'm gonna let in or out of my purpose.

Tajuana Thewlies 22:51

Yes.

Cathy Tooley 22:52

Love it. Thank you. Thank you for being here. Thank you, everybody, for watching. I love today's um idea of a purpose. So my invitation is always to you is to search for yours. And if you don't know what it is, there's someone in your life that can help you find it. Don't be sucked in by what this world tells you. Do not conform to this world. Rather be transformed by Jesus. Thank you everybody for watching. We'll see you on the next episode.